So, to sum up:
My cell phone won't work in the office.
IM has been disabled.
Internet access is sketchy at best.
I have a mountain of filing that's taller than I am.
I've mentally perfected the Lite Jazz drinking game.
To reach me, email me at my address in my profile, and I'll give you super secret VIP access. (i.e. my work email & phone number)
Repeat mantra: THIS IS PAYING FOR MY VACATION, DAMMIT.
The Good:
So, I have actual paying work for the next month. Whee! The commute is the best I've ever had - 1/2 hour from door to door at peak rush hour. The people are friendly, and from what I can see so far - drama free. There's much more freedom of movement than I've been accustomed to in the past, which is a huge relief. (i.e. no more 'Teacher, can I go to the bathroom!?')
My supervisor seems really relaxed & down to earth - I feel really comfortable being myself and letting my sense of humor come through, and so far it's fine. What I found really rewarding was letting her know (when she wanted to begin reviewing upcoming projects with me 15 minutes after I was supposed to leave) that going forward, I would not be able to work overtime without advance notice. She said that overtime is rarely required, and when necessary, would be scheduled in advance. Score one: me.
There's a cafeteria on-site (expensive, but hella convenient), and I have the option of taking a half-hour lunch break & leaving early, which I'm all over. The grounds are lovely, and there's validated parking right across from my office. The work itself is not challenging in the least, and I'm actually ok with that for the moment. It's a real treat just to be in a place where work doesn't automatically mean massive amounts of stress. Not to mention it's good to have the income.
The Bad:
The office I'm working in used to be an X-Ray vault. Really. (Goodbye window view!) So my cell phone doesn't work at ALL during the day, including receiving or sending text messages. I'm still waiting for the IT department to set my computer up, and I won't be able to download IM until they've done that. So I'm feeling really, really cut off from the world. I know it's temporary, but Jeezy Creezy, technology is my friend. Then there's the nature of the work itself... (although it's more of a trade-off then a bad thing, really) Lower Pay = Monkey Work. It's wonderful not to feel so utterly responsible all the time, but I feel bad for every temp worker to whom I ever delegated filing. My payback has begun in earnest.
And last, but by no means least - a fellow cave dweller (of which there are 3) listens to, heaven help me, 'lite jazz'. Let's see Sars review of the musical genre, shall we? Yeah. Damn.
The Ugly:
You mean, I'm not on vacation anymore?!
I landed a temp job, for one month, beginning tomorrow. Just in time, I might add, to keep the wolves at bay.
Whew!
Off to celebrate by getting a decent night's sleep for once. 'Night!
Couldn't sleep last night until nearly 4 am and then had the strangest dream. I was in a very intense relationship. It was someone I'd never met in waking life, and not of the type that I would ordinarily be attracted to. We had purchased a large, multi-story house on a large plot of land with extensive grounds. (Pool, garden, I think even a tennis court) Relationship Guy was really upset because it turned out that the prior owners had decided to remain living on the property, on the ground floor in a separate apartment with a private entrance. I couldn't understand why RG was so upset, since the house was huge and the owners were completely out of our way - but, whatever. In the meantime, I was really frustrated because somehow I hadn't had any input at all on the decision to buy this house. But it seemed ok, even if I was a little overwhelmed by the scale of it all. Lots & lots of the dream consisted of walking from room to room, investigating the new house, furnishing & grounds.
The only person from waking life in the dream was Space Kitten, who was also kind of baffled by the whole situation. She was younger in the dream. She seemed to be adjusting well to the move, but - like me - couldn't really understand how we had gotten there. Somehow RG decided (again, without my input) that we'd be adopting two kids. (!!)
So in the course of exploring the house, I kept finding more and more people there (adult and child), all of whom I was responsible for in some way. I kept trying to tell RG that "look - this is ridiculous. It's not like we're babysitting here, we're responsible for these kids for the rest of our lives and you didn't even give me the courtesy of a choice here?!" - but he couldn't understand why I was so upset, and I had to keep playing it down to keep from upsetting all those kids and our guests.
The last thing I remember was struggling to be reaaaallly patient with one of the kids who was wigging out over not knowing the protocol for some strange festival she wanted to attend that evening. We didn't have cable modem yet, so I was helping her look it up on my cell phone.
So I get that I'm worried about not having enough agency over my life, but good lord. What a dream. I blame the crap pizza & wings I ate last night. Not to mention the beer! (no more beer for me. ever. yuck. Sam Adams Light, I BLAME YOU!)
So, I'm off to do some paperwork and some serious housekeeping. I also need to put together some snacks for tomorrow's D&D game. Space Kitten has a show in Hollywood tonight, so in a way I'm glad my days & nights are turned around right now. It'll be fun!
(And thanks again to both Kimberly and Lee for helping out with career drama below - ya'll rock)
Well, today's the day I decided I had to deal with the financial demons that have been plaguing me for so long. And secret, horrible doubts are starting to seep in about my decision to walk away from my steady job at the Soul Sucking Corporation. (Granted, when I left, I had no idea I was leaping from the frying pan into the fire) But those doubts are absolutely terrifying.
On a very real level, I know how unutterably miserable I was there. I don't call it Soul Sucking Corporation for nothing - I cried every Sunday night and watched my self-esteem plummet while I was there. My manager was a toxic, sarcastic individual who made me feel like I was too stupid to remember to breathe out after breathing in, and I continually felt stifled and completely unable to be my authentic self there.
But right now, I'm freaking out at the security I so easily walked away from. I'm kicking myself for allowing others to determine my sense of self-worth and cutting short what could have, had I handled it better, been a gravy train. It was not hard work. I was making a ridiculous amount of money for pretty brainless activity and I had really good friends there. Instead, I allowed a combination of depression, spinelessness, hateful management, and an overdeveloped sense of duty to stew into an unbearable situation. Had I been coming from a place of strength, I could have made it work.
And I wouldn't be sitting here, at 38 years old, living off unemployment, trying to figure out what utility I can do without and applying at entry-level temp jobs again. Somebody tell me I did the right thing?
/self pity
Oh, the cute. Oh dear. I want one. (Both the penguin and the sweater, thanks for asking)
Not the meatloaf. Anything but the meatloaf!
Anyway, has it really been a week since I updated? Shame on me. Since our last episode, I've restarted my RVLDP (...lmnopq) class.
I'm really glad I get the chance to go back and finish my course. When I dropped out, I really felt like a failure, but the simple fact is I had bitten off more than I could chew and it was a very difficult time in my life. And as good as it feels to get my toes back into the nonprofit world, I'm far more realistic now about how much I can commit to this work. Typically, my enthusiasm far exceeds my energy and skills, but I'm determined to keep it in perspective this time, learn as much as I can, help as much as I can, and still keep some sense of balance within my life.
I'm still in the process of negotiating the project with the Potential Employer. After a very long meeting scouting locations last week, I had expected to get a final decision on where the office would be located, but I haven't heard back yet, and now Mr. Maybe Boss is out of town for the remainder of the week. We shall see.
I managed to snag ten free days of fitness from a local gym. So far, they completely rock and you can guess the first thing I'll do when I get paying work again. (That is, after the manicure, pedicure, wax, hair styling...)
Oh, and if you're looking for the best raspberry martinis in the entire world, you can't go wrong here. Had a screaming good time Sunday, and can't wait to go again. Mmmmmm. West Hollywood.
That's it for now, off to the gym, then the grocery store.
Note:
You'll notice I still haven't posted the Eddie review. I can't. There aren't any words that convey the facial expressions, ad-libbing about dust motes, cha-chaing with the microphone stand, riffing about organized religion, the names of the saints & names of the books of the bible, and anthropomorphizing spiders. And the eyebrows. My lord, those eyebrows. ::sigh::
Damn, it's good to be me.
Well, I won't begin my temp job today, but I do have an interview this afternoon. We'll see how it goes. And because I can't stop posting random silliness, I have to thank Metafilter's handful of rain for this gem.
How have I lived this long without a Saint Berdoodle?!
Apparently, this classic geek story is widely known, but I've only heard of it this past week and it killed me. I give you - The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo.
This explains SF and the dot-com craze better than I could ever hope to. And incidently, made my day.
This year is moving more quickly than I'd ever imagined possible. Exhilarating and yet terrifying. I don't know when my internal clock changed from "How can it still be Monday?" to "Holy Fuck, what Day/Month/Year is it again?!" but I still cringe a little every time I write 2005, from the sheer science fiction-osity of it all. Maybe by the time 2006 rolls around, I'll be used to it. One can always hope.
Fortunately, my big employment project has been postponed til the 10th, which buys me some much-needed breathing room. Oddly enough, the combination of procrastination and perfectionism didn't work out so well, so I'm really grateful to have a little extra time to flesh out my ideas and put together something I can feel good about. The plan is to work on it tomorrow and hopefully finish up this weekend, because *fingers crossed* I may be temping starting Friday. I'm actually pretty happy about easing back into the workplace this way; there's much less pressure on a temp job and overall, it should be a good move. I should have more details sometime tomorrow.
Anyway, last night I went to a meeting for The One Campaign. The timing was interesting, because I came home and saw this thread on metafilter, with the inevitable debate on celebrity activism. I came away from both the meeting and the online conversation with a curious combination of hope and frustration: hope, because of the large number of people willing to dedicate themselves to action; frustration, because try as I might to "increase awareness" (one of the stated goals of yesterday's meeting) it's still the G-8, World Economic Forum & the like that decide the fate of entire nations. Guh. If I don't reign this in a bit, I'm gonna end up burned out & apathetic all over again, so I'll just have to focus on what I can reasonably do and hope for the best.
Afterwards, I had dinner at Space Kitten's house, and we went to Club Screwball at The Parlour. Random good times were had by all. I'm told that in lieu of Easter, they'll be hosting an event honoring cthulhu, but I can't find any mention of it at all on their website.
Anyway, it looks like the rain is on it's way back, and I can't justify spending any more time on the computer without doing some actual work, so it's back to chores for me.....
