Unpossible!
Two and half weeks? That's it?! How can it only be two and a half weeks into the semester?!
It seems like years since I made the decision to bite the bullet and return to school full-time. FSM knows it's been All School All the Time (well, except for brief forays into the dank subconscious) since then - if I haven't been preparing for school, I've been worried about school, or actively avoiding homework from school, to the point where I'm sick to death of stressing about the whole thing. (...and looking for synonyms for the word 'school' because I'm sick of typing it, too.)
All in all, you'd think I was the first person in the history of the world ever to pursue higher education.
Which leads me tangentially to my point. What with all my worrying and overthinking and deer-in-the-headlights panic and getting so wrapped up in the details that I miss the entire POINT - I've managed to put myself so far behind in French class that I got a D- on my first test and ended up dropping the class, rather than further risking my GPA.
Somewhere along the way I got the idea that - if I'm not completely in over my head and freaking out - that I'm just not doing enough. That my efforts aren't worthwhile, and the work isn't meaningful. So I have a history of completely over-committing myself, then not doing anything well and ending up feeling overwhelmed and ineffectual.
I don't know where that idea came from, but it's time to banish it. It's enough that I'm learning how to be a student again, after being absent from the academic world since 1983. Over-achieving is all fine and good, but I'd rather take 11 credits and *really learn something* than take 16 and spend the entire semester playing catch-up and pummeling my esteem into the ground.
It may sound an awful lot like justification, but I choose to see it as taking care of myself. And isn't that why I started this whole adventure to begin with?
YAY!!!
* whew *
-- by
Kimberly, at
9/16/2005 8:52 AM