I want patience and I want it NOW!
The big changes I alluded to here last Friday aren't coming together the way I had planned. The idea is to sell my townhouse, quit my job, and go to school full-time. While it's not what any rational financial planner would advise, it works for my particular situation. I get to cash in on the equity I've built here, let go of the past in a very tangible way, and start a new life in another part of town where I'm much happier. Except...
I found an absolutely amazing University. Everything from the mission statement, to the classes offered, to the professor I met are ME in University form. They have a degree completion program for adults, their focus is on promoting social justice and they teach critical thinking. They don't have testing, they do narrative evaluations in a non-competitive environment. In short - it's an incredible experience and I want to start now. I just came back from the undergrad information session and I've never wanted anything more than to attend this program. In my head, I was all set to begin with this fall's session - sell the house in November, start school in December.
So what's the problem? It's a degree completion program. They're not set up to offer lower level undergraduate courses. They won't accept you if you have less than 30 college units accrued. How many units do I have? Not a single solitary one. You can't test in, or use life experience as credits or anything else.
I can't figure out why this rates a breath-holding, screaming, weeping, feet-kicking tantrum but it does. I'm so fucking fed up with happiness deferred...
Crap job? Yeah, I'll be happy when I quit.
Long distance relationship? Yeah, it's awesome, but wait 'til we're in the same time zone.
Money? Sure, it'll be excellent when I've sold the house and can pay off all my bills.
Health? Sooo much better once I can get health insurance.
Family? Wonderful, but it'll be nice when I can help Space Kitten out some more.
School? Once I get through with community college, I can start the program I really want.
GAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Now I know the universe does things in it's own good time, and the right thing will come to me when I'm ready. But, dammit! I can't help but feel like the rug was pulled right out from under me just as I was just learning to listen to my intuition.
::sigh::
I mean, yeah. I'll pull my shit together, take as many CLEP tests as I can, and community college classes for the units I can't test out of. I'll take my time and apply for all the student loans, grants and scholarships possible. I'll bribe myself with voice and yoga classes that aren't available at Idealistic University and have the opportunity to learn to be a student again in an environment that's (likely) much more forgiving of beginners.
And honestly, I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity. Even if I don't sound like it right now.
(What the fuck - blogging's cheaper than therapy)
blogging's cheaper than therapy
And less legally questionable than randomly killing people to relieve your stress. It's fun, but not recommended... take it from someone who's been there.
On a serious note (for once): I've said it before but it bears repeating that 30 credits is, like, a year. Two semesters. In the grand scheme of things it's not a huge amount of time (less than one calendar year), and it gives you a chance to get core courses like Expository Writing I and Math for Complete 'Tards 102 out of the way so that you don't need to deal with that shit at university.
I have a feeling that it's all going to work out, and marvelously. You heard it here first.
-- by
Bone, at
5/18/2005 4:30 AM